Movie Critics R Us

My two best friends and I have very different preferences when it comes to pets: Kate likes snakes, Erin adores cats, and I want a horse. Not only do we like different animals, we are all diametrically opposed to each others’ choices because of allergies, fears, or sensitive noses. If we ever move in together, like we want to someday, we’ll have to corner the cats in the basement, imprison the snakes in a cage, and hope a horse is never in the realm of possibility.

All of that to say, we should’ve known we’d have trouble picking out a movie Friday night when we stepped into Blockbuster. Though we realized our different opinions, we wanted to find a flick the three of us could enjoy together. That was a nice thought while it lasted.

We began with the new release section. Fortunately, none of us like horror movies, so that section was easily skipped.

“What about John Carter?” asked Kate.

Both Erin and I raised our eyebrows.

“That sounds horrible,” said Erin.

“Do you guys like old movies?” I asked

“Like what?” asked Kate.

I spotted Gregory Peck on my left.

“What about To Kill a Mockingbird?”

“Are you kidding me? That movie’s sad!”

“Oh look! West Side Story! That’s a good one!”

“Not into the whole musical thing.”

And so the ball went rolling down the hill of movie rejection. In ten minutes flat we had each contributed scathing reviews of every film another had suggested. West Side Story was too music-y, Prince of Persia was a bore, and 10,000 BC was ridiculous. Chick flicks were too girly, comedies were too crude, and dramas were too old. Action was too intense, Oscar-winners were rated R, and Westerns had too many horses.

“Let’s face it,” said Kate. “This is impossible. I don’t like scary and musicals, Erin doesn’t like war and westerns, and Anna doesn’t like anything made in the twenty-first century.”

We sighed and realized we were all going to have to give a little. I spotted a movie called Princess Ka’iulani on the bottom shelf.

“This movie has princess in the title. I like princesses,” I said.

I picked it up and we looked closer. The movie was based on the true story of a Hawaiian princess. It wasn’t a musical, wasn’t in black and white, and didn’t have men in cowboy hats. It didn’t look scary or annoying or offensive. It was made in 2009, had pretty dresses, and was the winner of an award. We decided we could manage Princess Ka’iulani for the evening. Besides, it was getting late and it was doubtful any of us would stay awake long enough to see her whole story anyway. After viewing we decided we didn’t care for Princess Ka’iulani all that much. We were glad to, for once, find something we could agree on!


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