Will the Right Lip Gloss Please Stand Up?

Today I walked into the local Meijer to buy groceries, and even though none of the items on my shopping list were located anywhere near the makeup section, that’s where I started. This isn’t unusual for me. I often stroll through the cosmetics to eye new products and update myself on any lipsticks plastered with orange clearance stickers. Today I was specifically looking for gold eyeshadow, and I headed for the Wet ‘n Wild section which most females will acknowledge as an equivalent to the “Good ‘n Cheap” section.

When I turned down the aisle I saw a surprising sight: A man, about forty-years-old, dressed in worn-out jeans and a gray T-shirt, was staring adamantly at the Lip Smacker section, which my fellow females will know as the “Not quite old enough for makeup yet, but maybe my mom will let me wear this since it smells like strawberries” section.

Now, I have frequented the cosmetic aisle often enough to know that there are many different kinds of people who look for makeup, however, the majority of these people fall into the female category. On occasion you’ll run into a male, but it doesn’t matter if they’re five or sixty-five, they are always a member of a party including at least one female, not to mention they all look like they’d rather jump off a cliff than inspect one more bottle of volumizing, clump-crushing mascara.

The sight was unusual, but, oh well, I went back to my eyeshadow search. I actually found some eyeshadow I liked, but it was stuck in one of those plastic rack things (do you know what I’m talking about?), so I decided to see what else was available. I passed the man in gray and turned into the aisle with Maybelline, Cover Girl, etc…. the more “elite” makeup brands. I spent a few solid minutes of exploration, but decided to go back to Wet ‘n Wild and attempt to dig up the aforementioned product.

When I circled back around I noticed the man in gray was still there, so I tried to nonchalantly dissect the rack, grabbing various eyeliners to entice the desired palette. The man must have been waiting for me to finish, because as soon as I obtained my prize he walked toward me.

“Excuse me, do you think you could help me out?” asked the man.

“Yeah, definitely!” I said.

“I am so glad I’m not a girl! This is so overwhelming!” he exclaimed, opening his arms to the aisle as if to show me the extent of the Grand Canyon.

“I know, I can get overwhelmed, too, sometimes,” I said. I mean, I had just spent the past few minutes practically mining for one cake of eyeshadow! “What are you looking for?”

“My daughter’s birthday is tomorrow. I need to buy her some lip gloss.”

“Okay,” I said, “How old is your daughter?”

“Eleven. So I want it to be something neutral.”

“Well, I think you’ve come to the right section!” I said, indicating the Lip Smacker and Bonne Bell brands in front of us. “Do you know if your daughter likes a certain flavor?”

The man looked like I had just asked him if he knew the first fifty digits of pi.

“I have absolutely no idea,” he said.

“It’s okay.” I smiled, hoping to put him at ease. “Let me just show you a few options. See, this here is a caramel flavor and it has glitter, this here doesn’t have a flavor and is kind of shiny, and this one is a little more sophisticated, so it has a bit of color to it, but I don’t think it will be too much. Do any of these options look like something your daughter would like?”

The man was in awe. “I think any of those would work great! Thank you so much!”

He ended up selecting two of the three glosses I had shown him, just in case one wasn’t exactly right. He continued to thank me profusely, and I honestly couldn’t say the words, “You’re welcome” enthusiastically enough. I don’t think I had ever had more fun in the makeup aisle! So the man got his lip gloss and I got my eyeshadow, which proves that my regular trip to look at makeup is well worth the time (and money) spent.

Lip Gloss


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