Star Wars Q&A

In case you haven’t noticed from the bombardment of the topic on the internet, television, at shopping malls, movie theaters, and grocery store aisles across the nation, a new Star Wars movie will be released next month. To some this is a trivial fact, to be compared with the scads of superhero and dystopian sequels. To others it is simply a marketing ploy for General Mills and Nabisco. But for a select few it is EPISODE VII (NOT 7!!), the NEXT INSTALLMENT, the STORY THEY’VE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE 2005. Can you tell where I fit in here?

In preparation for December 18, I decided to re-watch the original trilogy (Episodes IV, V, and VI), which I might add with emphasis, are my favorite movies ever. Last weekend was time for The Empire Strikes Back, and my dad, sister (Shannon), and friend (Hannah) were kind enough to join me.

Approximately ten minutes before viewing a Star Wars film I always get what I refer to as the Star Wars Squirm, which does not allow me to sit still on the sofa. The only solution to the Star Wars Squirm is to begin a Star Wars movie, see the opening type, and hear the inexplicably fantastic sound of trumpets proclaiming the theme song.

As we were awaiting my dad to get the DVD going and I started feeling the effects of the Star Wars Squirm, Shannon looked over at me, eyebrows raised. I grinned, eyes wide.

“Are you ready for this?!” I said.

“I don’t know, but I really don’t think I’m ready for you.” Shannon scooched a few inches to the right which, needless to say, was in the opposite direction of yours truly.

The Star Wars Squirm was soon alleviated and I enjoyed the subsequent two hours in perfect rapture.

It is always interesting that, no matter how many times you’ve previously viewed a movie, you always seem to come away with more questions about certain characters, plot points, etc. Shannon began the questioning during the scene when one of Darth Vader’s generals walks in on Vader as his helmet is being robotically placed upon his bald and slightly purplish head.

“Why was his helmet off in the first place?” Shannon asked.

Leave it to my sister to be observant, as I had never considered the reasoning behind this scene. Between the four of us, we came up with quite a few possibilities, such as Vader needed to brush his teeth, blow his nose, or take his contacts out. Shannon later Googled the question and discovered an extensive dissertation on Darth Vader, which claimed that the most intimidating cinematic villain of all time had claustrophobia.

Shannon’s question only inspired more, which included the following:

– Considering their large size, how were the AT-AT Walkers transported to Hoth in the first place, especially so quickly? (After a Google search Shannon discovered that there is no certain answer, as a heated debate persists regarding this topic.)

– In light of the multiple… er… permanent demotions, what is the turnover rate of Darth Vader’s generals?

– Who exactly is Lando Calrissian’s friend, the dude with the digital earmuffs, and is his accessory available for retail purchase?

We could estimate the answers to these more or less using logic and/or Google, but the ultimate stumper was posed by my dad:

– Darth Vader: boxers or briefs?

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