The Force (and Freaks) Awaken

How to successfully prepare for a viewing of the new Star Wars movie without completely freaking out.*

*Please note that the moment in which freaking out goes from partial to complete is extremely subjective, therefore this blog post does not accept any liability for those in suspect condition.

1. Take Out the Fan T-Shirt – When you go to the movie theater, you will want to look like the true fan you know you are. To prevent any anxiety the morning of, dig the fan T-shirt out of your dresser drawer the night before and hang it up. Your tee will be in pristine condition the next morning.


2. Don’t Hold Back Your Emotions – It is important not to keep your excitement bottled inside, but to, like Obi-Wan says, “stretch out with your feelings.” Don’t worry about what other people think, and fully embrace the enthusiasm you are obviously experiencing. Some people are going to give you weird looks, leave the room, etc., so make sure you find a few others who understand so you can celebrate the moment together.



3. Do Find a Less Freaking Out Driver – The prior step does not, of course, remove the need for a designated driver. The closer you are to the completely freaking out point, the farther you are from having the capacity to successfully pilot a moving vehicle. DO NOT pretend to be Luke on his landspeeder. DO NOT pretend to be Han Solo in the Millennium Falcon. DO NOT pretend to be Princess Leia careening through the forests of Endor on a stolen speeder bike. DO find someone else to drive, and if at all possible, DO sit in the backseat. Your driver will thank you for it later.


4. Exchange Fun Gifts While Waiting in Line – When you arrive at the theater, it is going to be a bummer to stand in line. Then again, you might get there so early that you’re able to catch a show previous to the one you were shooting for (as in our case!). No matter how long you wait in line, though, it is fun to exchange fun fan gifts.


5. Take Selfies With Everyone in the Theater – Once you actually make it into the movie theater itself, you will have to, again, do some waiting. You will probably be very close to the completely freaking out point, so in order to prevent the other attenders from calling security, it is crucial to keep busy. The best way to do this is to take selfies with every single person you came to the theater with. Sure, you might annoy some people around you, but you know you are sparing them from the alternatives.

6. Enjoy the Show – It is hard to believe that the moment will actually come to begin the movie, but it will! When those ten words of Star Wars wonderfulness appear on the screen, you are good to go. You have successfully made it to the finish line without completely freaking. A few setbacks might occur when you hear John Williams’ theme music, but the effects should taper as the movie continues and you get lost in the story. Now your only job is to not completely freak out AFTER the movie ends. Keep that designated driver – make sure he/she brings you home, too!


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